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So today totally sucks. I screwed up royally. I have been skimming off my kids easter baskets. I can't wait for that crap to be out of my house! I might throw some of it away tomorrow. I know, that sounds bad but the jelly beans and chocolate eggs are easy to grab a few and temp me something terrible. We are going to Easter dinner and I totally don't want to eat any. Especially now. If I had managed to not eat anything today I could eat a small meal and be ok but not now.... I hate how the day feels totally wasted for me when I don't eat what I plan. My one consolation, I am starting a competition for the next 6 weeks to see who loses the most. If I add a pound or two from eating that candy today then I have those two pounds that will come off easier at first and will motivate me. I didn't get on the scale today because I can't handle seeing how much I weigh when I do bad. I will get on tomorrow to start the competition. I know, its contradictory to getting healthy... I don't really have any way I can rationalize it as being "ok". I just know that I am going to do it. So for today... about 1000 cals of candy probably (might actually be less but because I havn't been measuring I can't be sure, I pray its not more!) I will have to do some creative food avoidance today. I hate feeling full and I do. Not gorged or I would go puke. I might try it anyway except candy, especially grazed on for the past 3 hours, is not easy to get up and my husband is here. By tonight I should be feeling a little better. Maybe I will hit the treadmill today to soften the emotional upset my binge today has created for me.