index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

My best friends mom passed away yesterday. I never met her mom but Ilia and I are so close I feel pain for her loss. Gosh, my eyes are filling up right now. I love her so much, I wish I could take the pain of this loss away... But I know that all I can do is be there for her. Her husband is going back to work today. I have to babysit or I would go spend the day with her. Mymy is going to see an lawyer today about her divorce and her babysitter canceled on her! WTF!? And it was just because "she needs a break from kids." It's not like Mymy is going to a party!!! Geeze! So of course I offered to watch Mac for her. Something is happening to me and I'm scared. I might actually go in and see my doctor for real about it. When I was 11, during Christmas vacation my left big toe nuckle swelled up so huge I couldn't put a shoe on. They did blood tests and found some evidence of juvinile arthritis. But ever since the tests have come back indicating an autoimune response (arthritis) and then normal. Fast forward 18 years and I have since had surgery on that joint and have dealt with a little arthritis off and on since but all of a sudden its every day. This morning I woke up with the middle nuckle of my left pointy finger as big as a gum ball! And my thumb nuckles are hurting as well as my hips. Its scaring me. I don't know what could be causeing it to suddenly flare up so bad but I don't want to end up in a wheel chair! Also, yesterday while I was riding my bike, I had an asthma attack! I've never been diagnosed with asthma but I'm a nurse and I served on the state Asthma coalition 2 years ago and I know what I had was an asthma attack. I hope it was a fluke! All of a sudden my whole chest/throat got tight and I felt like I was breathing through a straw... I started to weeze and everything got dark for a few minutes. I stopped riding of course and looked around but I was near the cemetary and there was no one around!!! Thank goodness it loosened up after less then a minute, but it felt like a LONG time when it was happening. I did get back on the bike and rode slowly home and every now and then I would feel it grip me a little but it didn't get bad again... Asthma and Arthritis are both autoimune disorders so they could be related to some degree... But I don't like it one bit. I like riding my bike but I'm scared now that I will have another spell like that and will pass out and away with no one around!! Think I'll call my doctor right now in fact.