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I fucked up. Right after my last post I was feeling like the biggest bitch and all I could think about was eating. I had a protien shake, walked and then went to the gas station and bought 4 candy bars!!! I've been binging all weekend without purging. So much that my freaking mouth hurts! Last time I ate was 9am this morning so thats my new fast starting point. Funny but I already feel dizzy and its just the first day... I have half a box of X strength Exlax, just what it takes to get all that fucking cereal and wine and pasta and garlic bread out of my bowels and I will be empty. My stomach is acheing and thats good. I wait to take the laxies until the food has moved into the bowels so I can really get empty. I also ran out of the diuretics I was taking. I know its stupid and only makes you swell when you stop taking them. I just get paranoid that I'm retaining water since I have no idea where I am in my cycles any more (no uterus but still have ovaries so that means cycles with no period) and its like a catch 22... I take them and then I'm afraid of the rebound swelling so I keep taking them. But its been 2 days now so I'm just going to deal with it. I can't get ONE ring on.... sigh.... According to the scale I gained all the weight I lost fasting back, 7lbs plus 3!!! In TWO days! WTF!? Its driving me nuts and now my husband because I am sulking and totally beating my fat, disgusting self up. But I have that feeling. You know the one. The serious, down to business, I'm gonna do this no matter what feeling. 30lbs in 30 days. Well, 33 now. Back to day 1 of my fast but the plan is this.... Calorie free until I feel sick (dizzy, brain fog etc) then protien shakes. And I will just remember how I feel.... so fat..... and gross... when I start feeling like the pain isn't worth it. Because I'd rather have the pain then this ASS!