index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

I mean really? Does that mean I get to feel like I do right now, worthless, hopless, a failure with no chance of happiness and be a SUPER HUGE FAT ASS on top of it!?!? Well, FUCK that!!! If I can't just eat and not care what I am eating and not care what I weigh then I don't want to do it!!! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to hurt my kids, my husband... I just don't know if I can recover and I can't live my life hating myself even more then I already do. If I try I will kill myself. Its as simple as that. So I fucking give up! I ate 200 calories worth of popcorn today. Not great but ok. I am going to be 125lbs by christmas or I will die fucking trying. I don't care anymore!!!