The Punishment



2004-10-18 - 11:57 a.m.



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A pound a day - 2006-04-08
Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05
Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27
The debate - 2004-10-27
To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26





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I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will NOT break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not breat my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not reak my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I wil not break my plan. I will not nbreak my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not bneak my plan. I will not nbreak my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I WILL NOT break my plan! I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break mly plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my [lan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not nbreak my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. I will not break my plan. fuck you Heather. Your a piece of shit until you get to your goal weight. A big fat piece of shit. You have breasts. Gross. You don't fit in ANY of your pants! Your ass is SO fat it almost takes up the whole chair when you sit you fucking worthless fat ass. Oh NICE. Anas song just came on, so fitting. Out of over 500 songs that song comes on now. Great. I don't feel better. I feel worse. I feel terrible. I am so fat I disgust myself. I WILL NOT STAY this way anymore!!!! The scale WILL begin to drop or I will die trying. I mean that. I would rather die trying to get thin again then stay in this fat slug of a body. I'm average weight. If anyone can stomach to read all this they now know how big and gross I am. Burried in this mass of shit. I said I would never weigh more then 20lbs less then I am right now. I should just kill myself but I have kids. It would hurt them. I just have to stop eating. Thats it. Its the only way I am going to matter enough. I am nothing without being thin, without losing weight, without my eating disorder. I have to show them that I don't belong in this gross big body. I WILL SHOW THEM ALL AGAIN! I will get to 120 and then I will stop. Its not quite enorexic weight but definitely underweight....

And your my obsession, I love you to the bones....

Darn that song sounds really good. Too bad I am a fat cow and not worthy of it. Guess what? The stomach pain is gone... YAY! Just a hypoglycemic headache left. And the only treatment for that is guess what? Don't fucking eat fat ass!!!! Now I feel like running into some walls or cutting some veins. Too bad I am a "grown up" and I have to be "sane" and must not leave marks on self. It feels so good.... Perhaps I can get into beating myself with a bar of soap in a pillow case? Nah... the headache will get worse before it gets better. I just wont take any tylenol for it. It should be gone before I have to work again (Thursday night).

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