What is anorexia?



2003-04-24 - 10:10 p.m.



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What is anorexia?

Its not a number.

Its not a loss of appetite.

Its not cold hands, dry skin or brittle hair.

Its sitting outside, chain smoking in the dark, in the rain, alone, hating yourself because you ate two hundred calories that you didn't plan for, because your stomach isn't screaming at you with hunger. Its feeling yourself grow instantly because of it. Its feeling like that evening, that day, your whole life is a waste because of it. Its wondering if you will ever be able to eat and feel ok about it. Its wondering if you were ever able to. Its pinching your flesh to check how much new fat grew. Its wondering how much of that two hundred calories you can get back up. Its promising to that part of you, the anorexia, that you'll do better, eat less, if it will just let you feel better again.

Its not about losing weight. Its about losing control....

I'm not underweight. I am low "normal" weight.

I am not a teenager. I am 28 years old.

I am not a child. I am a mother.

I don't look any different then you. I am tortured by food.

I have anorexia.

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