index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

EEK!!! Well my diary is not so private as I thought. My husband came on here are read all my posts. I feel so terrible. He wanted to know why I don't talk to him about my eating issues (he knows I have issues but we don't discuss them... well, I'm sure you know what I mean) and work issues etc. I didn't know how to tell him that it wasn't because I didn't love him but because I feel like I have no room to complain about said problems unless I am actively fixing them... So basically I don't tell him a lot about my ED or my anxiety attacks because what can you do? What can he say? He's told me that he gets tired of my weight obsession as it is now, imagine if I laid all this crap on him! He says he doesn't know what its like to have an anxiety attack... Thats not his fault. I don't expect him to understand or be able to fix everything but I still need an outlet for it you know? At least here I can vent and know that no one is going to go balistic on me and that someone might even understand where I'm coming from.... Plus I'm not exactly proud of my ED or my anxiety attacks... Perfection is all I will accept from myself remember. He said he won't come on again, and for the most part I believe him, because I do believe he really was just worried but still, I feel sort of violated... I spill my worst secrets here on RGP because its really the only place I feel safe to... Well as you can see I'm not so worried about him reading it as I am sad that he was exposed to it. As far as how I'm doing today, no work until Thursday so no calories again. Only coffee and water for me today. Feel great too! So, I'm still not eating and still not weighing...