index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

Oh!!! And I have another goal too! I saw my SIL yesterday, it was SO terribly painful... Shes a twig and I'm this mountain of flesh.... Anyway, she was away at treatment last year when I was at my recent low weight so she didn't get to see me that way, just heard about it from family etc.... But now she has seen me at the most I have weighed in 3 years (still 69lbs less then my all time high weight thank god) so it should be easy to shock her by Thanksgiving. Hehe!!! I will still be fat and gross but I bet I can loose 15 more this month if I give it a little more effort. You know, this is going to sound insane but honestly I think I gain the weight back in part so people will get off my back and I can loose it again. Stupid I know... But this time I'm not going as low... 120. I told my husband I'd stop at 120. So thats my goal, I think I should be able to hit that before 2005 so there another goal!!! Oh I'm feeling bad... hehe! And it feels good! Everyone thinks now that I'm pleasently plump that I am "recovered" but I'm not... And they will leave me alone for a while and I can have the ecstasy of seeing the scale go down and trying to make all these goals... For a while at least they will leave me alone but if I stop at 120, thats 2 lbs above anorexic for me so the shrink can't bitch TOO much and my husband said I could go down that low and most of my clothes should fit by then.... I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of living in sweats! Really! I go from sweat pants to scrubs (for work) and it hides the massive thing I have yet again become to some degree.... But not ONE pair of pants fit me!! I got rid of all my fat clothes and I WILL NOT buy more. So I HAVE to loose the weight you see.... I'ts not a want, its a need. Yah thats it... a necesity of life, I MUST loose weight. Joy of joys but wouldn't you know thats my FAVORITE thing to do!!!!!!!! Mwaaaaahaaaahaaaa!!!!!