index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why do I do this to myself? Why do I try? My body is fat and gross, my face is ugly and there is nothing thats going to change. Except its all going to get worse because I'm 29 and now I'm old. All I want is to loose some weight. Not even every day. Just as long as I am on the downslide. I am doing what I am supposed to, I am fucking working at it and I am gaining!!! I should just become the amazing fat lady. I don't know what I am fighting for, my mom and sister are both like 250lbs... It's in my genes to be super fat. No wonder I stay this way for what is it now 4? 3? days!? No!!! Not stay this way, GAIN! *F*U*C*K*I*N*G* *G*A*I*N*!* I have gained 5lbs restricting!!!!! My food and exercise can be seen by clicking the shrinking smilie, something I am NOT doing.... I'm a nurse, I know what "should" be happening but it isn't!!!!! I have so much energy, anger!!! I just want to go bang my head against the wall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!