index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

I HATE MYSELF!! HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE!! I have been eating and puking ALL FUCKING day!!! I feel like shit and KNOW that I didn't get it all up because my husband is home so I have to be careful... I am such a disgusting fat pig.... I know the scale will be up tomorrow and that makes me want to die... Tomorrow I will turn over a new leaf, I SWEAR to fucking God or whoever is listening that I will... I am going to get down to 130 by this Friday. I WILL do this! No matter what it takes! And if I die doing it, so fucking what! Should have happened years ago... God, why the FUCK didn't it? Why am I still here anyway?