index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

OK, I don't have to go anywhere tonight or tomorrow (although I'll be fine tomorrow and I might take my two little ones to the park if it will stop freaking raining! ) so I did what I always do about 24 hours after a binge. I popped a half a box of laxies (don't worry, it doesn't make me sick its just how much Xlax it takes to cause me to "go" these days) while I was writing my above posts so even though I know it doesn't help me loose weight, at least the bloated, full feeling from eating will go away and I will be blissfully empty again. Strange how that is isn't it? I hate the feeling of being full and only feel truely happy when I am empty. Talk about sick thinking eh? and I "MIGHT" get on the scale tomorrow morning... might but probably wont. I have a feeling I was running a little dehydrated because I drink so much coffee at work and eating rehydrated me... I know its good to be hydrated but I can't handle seeing the scale go up so I think I am going to wait a week from today. Really be good for a week and then get on so I can see a big difference... Hopefully. My light blue medium scrub pants are TOO baggy now though. And Sunday I almost lost my navy blue ones... I hope to be back in my small scrubs before December (I won't wear them unless they are baggy, I can wear them now but I don't like anything that fits right anyway). I was doing SO good, I was SO empty... almost at that place where you stop feeling real hunger and only feel empty... so lovely. Now I am really empty. A day and half without food and laxies on board to clear it out downstairs and my stomach hurts. I hate this phase. I may have to have a protien shake. They are on the plan but I really like going as long as I can without any food for a while after a binge, sort of makes me feel like I am paying for it. Anyway, I don't feel like I have paid enough so I got on here for you all to be my witness to the proceeding punishment/assignment. Perhaps I can hammer this little weakness out of my head.