index yesterday tomorrow Most Recent Entries A pound a day - 2006-04-08 Back in black - well in fat anyway - 2006-04-05 Too stupid for my own good - 2004-10-27 The debate - 2004-10-27 To lie or not to lie, that is the question - 2004-10-26 leave me a note

Its been a long time. And a lot has happened. I had thought that I was going to abandon this diary but I find that I want to continue to write in it after all. I know I have a lot to say, about where I have been, what has happened in my life... And I will in due time. But for now I wanted to include something that I feel is important for me to tuck away for later. In response to a thread on a messageboard about what turning 18 means to you.... I posted this. Of course I have had over a decade to consider it but I have never really put it into a formed thought.... What turning 18 meant to me Hmmm.... For me turning 18 had the reverse effect from most people. It wasn't a point of freedom at all. It was a point of accountability. Let me explain. By the time I was 18, I had been on my own for 3 years, doing whatever I wanted, no matter how damaging, illegal, immoral, unsafe it was ect. And during those 3 years, I could turn to someone... be it a hospitalization, the system (child protective services), welfare ect. to bail me out of things when I got tired of the shit. I was a kid after all... It wasn't "my" fault I was screwed up. At least that was my mindset then. But when I turned 18, I didn't have to worry about being carded for my smokes... I didn't need a parental signature for a new tattoo... And many of the resources that I had leaned on when I was tired of my own bullshit were not available to me anymore....... Because I was 18, and an adult. So for me, it was a point in which I took a good hard look at my life and decided that I didn't want to go down the road I was headed.